So, once again I digress from the original premise of this blog, ignore the challenge (I am listening to stuff, posts to come soon, promise) and talk about something else. This time, the Brits. Nominations for the 2010 awards were released on Monday and well, lets just say it’s not really for me. I’m going to go through most of the categories (Sorry, I just don’t know enough about the producers, mind you that won’t stop me on some of the others) and give my opinion. You know, for fun.
British male solo artist
Calvin Harris; Dizzee Rascal; Mika; Paolo Nutini; Robbie Williams
OK, it should be a straight fight between Calvin Harris and Dizzee Rascal with Dizzee emerging the victor. His grime-pop really hit the mainstream this year and he had some great singles. It won’t be though and in all likelihood it’ll go to one of the others. I genuinely didn’t think Mika was British so I’m a little surprised to see him here but hey, who else is there? Sting? Robbie Williams has it written into his deal with the Devil that he be nominated for and win at least one Brit every year he releases something, and some years he doesn’t, so he will probably win again. The wild card for me is Paolo Nutini. I say wild card because, well, this is probably best illustrated by a conversation I had with ‘Rover’ today about Mr Nutini and his inclusion:
Me: I Just don’t get it.
Rover: He’s sold shed loads of albums.
Me: Yeah, that’s what I don’t get.
British female solo artist
Bat for Lashes; Florence & the Machine; Leona Lewis; Lily Allen; Pixie Lott
Florence’s album has hit #1 just at the right time but don’t we just know that the Brits love Radio 2 so look no further than Lilly Allen here. Certainly her music has matured somewhat since her debut but I’m still not convinced. Too soon for Pixie Lott I feel and I don’t know enough about Bat for Lashes to say if she’s in with a shout or not. Leona has sold a bucket and done well in the states so she could well be the first X-Factor winner of the night. God help us all.
British breakthrough act
Florence & the Machine; Friendly Fires; JLS; La Roux; Pixie Lott
I’d love it to be Friendly Fires but they just haven’t had enough mainstream success, neither has Florence to be fair. Good as she is, the majority knows her just for her cover of You Got the Love. One of the other three to take it here, possibly La Roux as they were the face of the 80’s inspired synth revival but JLS may well nick it.
Ahh, JLS. Four action man figures who’ve been implanted with animatronics and taught rudimentary dance moves that are almost a literal translation of their songs. Seriously. I have Star Wars figures from when I was a kid that are less plastic looking than JLS. Also, why does one of them have a bit in the videos where he has to lift his shirt? Of course your abs are perfect, they’ve been made in a mould! There’s a warehouse full of JLS spare parts and replacement figures in case one breaks down.
Doves; Friendly Fires; JLS; Kasabian; Muse
Again, love it to be Friendly Fires but it’ll probably be Muse. I haven’t heard the latest Kasabian but I’m sure it’s better than The Resistance. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it but it isn’t their best by a long way and I have heard nothing but good things about West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum. JLS we’ve touched on already. They have got a very commercial album, had good success and could do well in the States but no, they’re still utter dross. Did Doves even do anything this year?
Dizzee Rascal – Tongue N’Cheek; Florence & the Machine – Lungs; Kasabian – West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum; Lily Allen – It’s Not Me, It’s You; Paolo Nutini – Sunny Side Up
Err, haven’t heard all of them. Should be Dizzee or Florence, will be Nutini. This is based purely on the fact that it’s shipped gagillions this year. Still don’t understand how. It all sounds like outtakes from Reet Petite.
Alesha Dixon – Breathe – Not bad in all honesty but no, just no.
Alexandra Burke Ft Flo Rida – Bad Boys – Proof she’s not just another Leona but still, wasn’t much to it.
Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love – The incessant media assault meant it was in all of our heads for months. You couldn’t go anywhere or turn on any radio station without hearing it. This will win. The music industry just won’t allow it not to.
JLS – Beat Again – See above. Stupid Stupid Stupid. ‘If I die/Will you come to my funeral/Will you cry?’ Well, you’ll be dead so it really doesn’t matter what I do does it Action Man?
La Roux – In For The Kill – Alright I suppose.
Lily Allen – The Fear – Didn’t like it, not even the best single off her album.
Pixie Lott – Mama Do – Catchy, Radio 2 friendly (don’t underestimate how important that is). Newton Faulkner gave it a bit more gravitas with his Live Lounge version.
Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart – Don’t know it.
Tinchy Stryder Ft N-Dubz – Number 1 – Don’t know it.
Joe McElderry – The Climb – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh boy, where do I start? Right first off, this is nothing to do with Joe as an individual. I’m sure he’s a lovely boy but unfortunately for him he now represents all that is wrong with pop music today and it’s truly disposable nature. The Climb is a truly atrocious song and what makes it worse is it’s a cover. A cover of a terrible song is considered one of the best singles of the year? No, it was just a way to get more money out of the suckers that vote on X-Factor (and the rest of us who had to buy Killing in the Name so we could all feel good about raging against the machine while giving more cash to the same record label as Mcelderberry’s. Yeah I bought it too, felt good didn’t it?). We have had enough of group after group after group selling an absolute fuck-load of records just because they are pretty. Boyzone and Westlife made £8squazillion each and another 50 for their record label just, for the most part, by singing other peoples songs. I want originality, I want bands that play instruments not just stand up for the key change. The charts are full of X-Factor winners and losers; even the hideous ones (Cheeky Girls, Jedwood) are successful. MAKE IT STOP!
BRITs performance of 30 years
I’m not going to list them, all you need to know is the Jarvis interrupted Michael Jackson performance won’t win. It really should though.
International male solo artist
Bruce Springsteen; Eminem; Jay-Z; Michael Buble; Seasick Steve
I love this category if only because it’s always fun to see who will be listed just to make up the numbers (Hi Seasick Steve). At least we’ve moved away from years gone by when Beck and Prince would win year after year just because there was no one else. Honestly, previously nominations were chosen by simply finding five American singers that were still alive then giving it to Prince.
Jay-Z to win.
International female solo artist
Lady GaGa; Ladyhawke; Norah Jones; Rihanna; Shakira
Lady GaGa is an absolute lock to win this and it’s well deserved. Why though is Norah Jones on the list and Beyonce isn’t? Who did she piss off?
International breakthrough act
Animal Collective; Daniel Merriweather; Empire of the Sun; Lady GaGa; Taylor Swift
Her Ladyship to win again though it might go to Taylor Swift just on the off chance Kanye is in the audience. Who doesn’t want to see this again?
Lady GaGa had one of the best pop songs of all time. OF ALL TIME!
Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion; Black Eyed Peas – The E.N.D.; Empire of the Sun – Walking on a Dream; Jay-Z – The Blueprint; Lady GaGa – The Fame
‘Rover’ disagrees but I expect GaGa to complete a hat-trick here. Annimal Collective and Empire of the Sun were (so I’ve heard) great albums but nowhere near commercial enough. If Black Eyed Peas are in attendance they might nick it but Lady GaGa is scheduled to play so don’t surprised to see her win all she is nominated for. Besides, Bad Romance is one of the best pop songs of all time.
Outstanding contribution to music
Outstanding contribution to music. When was that then? Was I asleep? Did I miss something? Oh right, deal with the Devil, yeah I forgot, sorry.
BRITs album of 30 Years
Coldplay – A Rush of Blood to the Head; Dido – No Angel; Dire Straits – Brothers in Arms; Duffy – Rockferry; Keane – Hopes & Fears; Oasis – (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?; Phil Collins – No Jacket Required; Sade – Diamond Life; The Verve – Urban Hymns; Travis – The Man Who.
The reason this blog post is up so long after the nominations were announced is because I’ve spent the week trawling through numerous graveyards digging up the people that chose this lot to ask them ‘why?’. Are you honestly telling me that this bland, blander, blandest list is indicative of British music over the last 30 years? 30 whole years and the best we produced is the entire playlist for every retirement home in the country? I call shenannigans.
30 years takes us back to 1980. Think of albums you’ve loved since 1980. I mean really loved. The kind that elicited an emotional response; that sound-tracked your life not just played quietly in the background while you waited at the hospital for an endoscapy. This list is just utter rubbish. You know it, I know it and so do the dickheads at the Brits. Still, they don’t really go for quality or excitement do they? Just quantity of sales.
So there you go, my thoughts on the nominations and before you ask, no, I won’t be watching.